Creating Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
This is for those who give love purely and unconditionally. For those who see the many shades between black and white clearly enough to hold back from judgement. For those that silently wish and wait for the same love and kindness to be reflected back, yet don’t demand. We don’t argue and squabble over silly stuff and we don’t force our point at home or work. Instead, we see the action play out in front of us the reactions and consequences. Not just in the moment but days, weeks and months down the line. We see the other as a human at a different stage of this life journey doing the best they can, from where they are. We understand that to force and control is to set a seed of a future experience that we have already passed the need to re-play. This is not a weakness. It is your strength.
This doesn’t mean that this is easy as these people may suggest we are weak or perceive that our emotions are less important than their own because we don't demand. This is because they still have to learn the lessons we have already won. This
It is important to our own continued health and wellbeing that we surround ourselves with equally healthy minded people. We need to set clear, well-articulated boundaries and follow through with consequences when they are crossed. Not to punish but for our own continued well-being and to develop healthy respectful relationships.
To set clear boundaries, first identify what your key values are. From here, you can think how these are important to you in relationships. Ask yourself? How do I expect to treated (in terms of the value you have identified)? What does that feel and look like to me? What behaviour means the boundary has been crossed? What are the consequences? Once you have established your boundaries you need to communicate them clearly and openly.
If boundaries are crossed. Take time to process and then once calm (this may take a day or two) Discuss openly what this means and how you can positively move forward. Share how if made you feel but let the other person have time to come to conclusions about their behaviour for themselves. At this point, it’s okay to allow for mistakes (we all make them) but if the behaviour is repeated then further action would need to be taken.
Elizabeth Ellen